Okay…you just got fired, or downsized. Or perhaps your job has disappeared overseas. Do you want to experience that ever again? Or are you now looking for a new career opportunity, something to pique your interest, let you take advantage of the latent talents you know you have but which have never been appreciated by former employers.  Or perhaps you simply wish to earn a living in a more interesting manner.

We can help!

Will you really be satisfied with just another run-of-the-mill job, something thousands of others are also doing, something heavy with minimal challenge and opportunity? Do you really want to remain one of the unappreciated crowd forever? Or do you want, this time, to strike out in a new direction, away from the crowd, experiencing an opportunity only open to a few?

Let the New Business Ventures Institute get you back into the race, making a good living, winning respect, and gaining the love of a good man or woman (your choice). Be a pioneer, thinking big, making your own path through life instead of treading endlessly on paths already trod by thousands, or millions, paths filled with ruts and sheer boredom.

You may be surprised at the educational opportunities we offer; you need only peruse the courses described in our catalog. We offer courses no one else does. We accept only those applicants who meet our criteria for objectivity, creativity and what we like to call flexitivity.

We urge you to apply for study at NBVI. See if you qualify.

We have many courses described in our catalog and you should peruse it to see what possibilities await you. But to give you a quick look at the scope of our courses, read the following descriptions of three high paying career opportunities that we offer. These are among our most successful courses, although we must point out that only a few with outstanding credentials can be considered for them.

PINK SLIP SPECIALIST

Someone has already been freed from his or her job, or soon will be, but may find it hard to accept that being set free is an occupational hazard when it comes to business life. Although businesses downsize all the time, newly freed employees often ignore that fact and sometimes turn resentful.

While companies, large and small, turn to specialists to help them find qualified employees, there are precious few that offer to help them disencumber the company from unneeded or unwanted employees. This simple fact presents a golden opportunity for you when you become a Pink Slip Specialist and provide your help to those in the business community. You’ll find it challenging and rewarding. Both the companies that hire you and the newly freed employees will thank you for the service you provide.

Not only will you be there for bosses who need to set an employee free, you will take the heat for them should that be necessary. You will be on the front line, meeting employees facing the axe, people who may very well resent the fact that they are being freed against their will. Perhaps they may have been wondering how the company will fare without them, believing it will never survive. You will put them straight.

NBVI will teach you what you need to know, coaching you in how to arouse warm personal relations with those under stress. We will help you get started in an office of your own, help you find clients and stand with you shoulder to shoulder at no extra cost as you work with your first five “newly freed.” We will be there to see that you do everything right.

We care!

LION TAMER

How many people do you know who are lion tamers? Not many, we’ll bet. There is a yawning demand, and although the lion taming industry is small, it does provide steady work. Lion tamers do not ordinarily come and go; they stay. Most of those seeking employment never think of turning to lion taming because it seems such an extraordinary career choice. But that very fact opens the doors to qualified applicants, and once you are fully trained, you will be able to step in to any opening. Openings created by a recent vacancy always need to be filled as quickly as possible and you, credentialed by NBVI, will find open and welcoming arms when you apply.

When you walk through the door ramrod straight in your freshly pressed jodhpurs, a pith helmet tucked under your arm, and a well practiced insouciant look, just short of a sneer, on your chiseled, angular face, half the battle will have already been won. Your demeanor and appearance alone will inspire confidence in prospective employers. As one of only a few professional lion tamers, you will be able to name your own price to those desperate for lion taming services.

Once you pass our qualifying entrance tests, you will study at our desert campus to learn the ways of the lion. We keep a fresh supply of lions for training, importing new lions to replace those already tamed. We have discovered that lions, unfortunately, tend to get bored by being tamed day after day. With one student after another cracking the whip, lions in time just seem to give up, quite willing to remain tamed. Their usual response is to crawl to a corner, lie down and wait for lunch.

You will learn to read a lion’s mood by his facial expression, the twitching of his tail, and the strength and roar as he faces you. You will learn to fend off an unhappy lion with a chair and how to crack a whip. When you complete your studies, we will send you off with an engraved Certificate attesting to your qualification as a lion tamer, as well as a license allowing you to practice legally anywhere in this country. You’ll also receive several graduation gifts from NBVI: a sturdy lion chair (collapsible for easy transport) a quality whip personally designed and signed by the Institute’s supervising Professor of Lionology, and for good measure, a certificate good for one year’s worth of free dry cleaning of jodhpurs at the cleaner of your choice.

Note: We require lion-taming students to pay in full when they matriculate.

FORGER

Forgery is usually looked on as something illegal, something that only bad people do. But sometimes events force good people, like us, to solve a problem by placing a signature on a document. Our College of Forgery, the nation’s leading school for the teaching of enhanced signatures liken forging under such circumstances as similar to the utterance of “little white lies” that help solve problems and make people feel better.

Writing checks, settling estates, and paying taxes represent only the tip of the forgery iceberg. Love letters and business documents also provide a vast market for the professional forger. You can readily see that the potential is immense. When you become an accredited forger, you face the world knowing you have what it takes to make things right even when they seem so wrong.

(It is true, unfortunately, that amateurs forge signatures and often get in trouble for so doing. They give forgery a bad name should their actions come to light. Forgery for amateurs seems to promise a simple pro forma way out of problems. But when done improperly, amateur forgery can only lead to additional problems.)

Let us show you how to develop a growing and grateful clientele. As  a certificated Master Forger you can rescue unfortunate citizens enmeshed by problems caused by their own ineptness. In troubled economic times, especially, forgers are sorely needed; your main problem will be selecting clients from the many seeking your help. (Unfortunately, you cannot help everyone; the demand is too great.)

We have tried teaching forgery as a correspondence course but found it to be unsatisfactory as too many small points can be missed. We strongly recommend, therefore, that you attend our College in person. There you can discuss your lessons with fellow forgery students, sign each others’ checks and try to pass them in the surrounding vicinity. And in your spare time you can loll on our extensive lion-free grounds as you study our manuals. Later, relaxing in our spacious dining room, you will enjoy talking with students pursuing other careers, perhaps the Pink Slip Specialist or the Lion Tamer, described above, or one of the many other courses we offer.

Note: We require forgery applicants to pay cash for their studies.

COMBINATION STUDIES

You may find it especially challenging to pursue more than one career opportunity at NBVI. For example, despite the shortage of professional lion tamers, there are even fewer lion tamers trained to work with recalcitrant or excess employees; here, your ability with chair and whip may come in handy. Special courses are offered at special fees for the very few we can accept who wish to become expert in more than one field. Please inquire about these combination studies.